I was there when it happened. Employees in a South Bay Apple Store indolently watched as four hoodie-wearing teens smashed and grabbed arms full of precious iPhones and MacBooks on a Friday afternoon. Amid sirens and chaos, you whispered to patrons, “Please don’t try and stop them—store policy.” Dear Tim Cook: Think…
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You were trotting on the Los Gatos Creek trail near Blackford School at Leigh Avenue on a Sunday morning not too long ago. I was the lady who was near the creek carrying the large black trash bag when I heard you yell (in a nasty, aggressive tone), “Pick it up!” Had…
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Subletting is always an adventure. I’ve had flatmates lie about eating my chicken salad, sneak shots from my whisky collection and pilfer toilet paper from my bathroom because they lacked the foresight to stock up. But this here is an amusing bit of subterfuge. You moved a big parrot into your room…
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If the wedding day is an indication of what the marriage is going to be like, then, my friend, you are doomed. I get that your fiancée wants everything to be perfect (which in my experience is a sure way for the day to devolve into chaos) but a big part of…
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I get that you’re into some weird shit, but I never asked to hear about it. So, I don’t understand why you feel compelled to send me unsolicited text messages looping me into your fucked-up sex life. Like, that’s cool that you enjoy a good romp with your friendly neighborhood courtesans, but…
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The last place I thought I’d ever witness such aggression was at the chip aisle—but there you were, verbal guns blazing. Admittedly, I don’t know what set you off to begin with, but when I politely offered to listen to your explanation, you refused to say and accused me of being a…
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The hypebeast is for real, and it has moved on from fashion to food! Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen has caused a major disruption in the natural order of fast food fried chicken. Everyone already knew about their Two-piece Tuesday deal. It’s a great bang for your buck, just not worth the sometimes-over-an-hour-long wait.…
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It’s hot. For the third day in a row, it’s been over a hundred degrees. There’s an 80-year-old’s birthday party taking place on the block, and you’re one of the guests. It’s a milestone and you got there a little late. Cars are completely crammed in their driveway and have poured out…
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Why do you need to scan my ID, Mr. Dispensary Receptionist Guy? The bouncer at your fancy facility already checked my driver’s license and confirmed I’m over 21. You’re really making this whole “legal weed” buying thing very par-annoying. Yeah! That’s “paranoid” and “annoying” put together because those are the kind of…
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I just work out here, I don’t own the joint. Still, you show up, peep out the spots for a week, and decide to start jumping in the station I’ve taken for years. Nice. Your smell … it’s as if Gilroy’s finest crop of garlic rotted in the field for a month.…
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